Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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