It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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