everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
