Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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