Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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