did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
the liver wants what the liver wants
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
