i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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