He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
