I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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