i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
