I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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