you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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