After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
