there's paper in my vomit.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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