haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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