ya dads aren't the best wingmen
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
