I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I am one with the molecules
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
