just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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