I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
As shirtless as possible
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
