I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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