I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
