I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
