As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
there is glitter all over my balls
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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