She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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