Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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