dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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