Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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