I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
