I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
