Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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