I don't usually arrange sex via text message
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
