New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
