No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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