if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
