you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
