I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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