And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
