so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
