honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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