I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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