A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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