Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
