In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
