I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
