my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Boobs speak an international language.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
