DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
