Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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