"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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