im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
