I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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