I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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