I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
