Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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