Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
