Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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