I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
whose parrot is this?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
