I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
